so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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