well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
