I wish I could punch you in the face.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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