Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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