He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
