I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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