She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
