Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
