somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Congratulations! We have a period
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
