Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
