It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
