yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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