Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
