Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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