I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
