Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
