Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
