the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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