i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
