He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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