Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
