So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
