I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
