So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My feet surprised me
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
