Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
