sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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