i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
