She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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