Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
