Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
