What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
