Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
