i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
