There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
