i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
