my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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