Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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