I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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