My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
