i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
