That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
