Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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