the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
