Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
only if we run a train.
done.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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