Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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