there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
