i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
