I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
