My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
