Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
